merefaith: salvation in the desert

I'm taking some steps back away from this bout of intellectual obsessiveness, and I believe it can only be to the betterment of my overall spiritual and mental health. In that twisted sort of way that God's providence works, however, it happens to be the case that this spring flowering is an outcome of the intense reading period. I think you can call it grace when a practice out of balance sows the seeds of its own demise.

During this period that heavily confirmed my Enneagram personality type as "The Thinker," with all the characteristic weaknesses on full display, I began reading Mind in the Balance: Meditation in Science, Buddhism and Christianity. The author, B. Alan Wallace, is a Buddhist practitioner, former Tibetan monk (though of Jewish ethnicity), and a prominent figure in science-and-Buddhism conversations. This book was written in response to a request by his Christian stepdaughter to offer an accessible guide to meditation for that all-important demographic: "ordinary" persons. Wallace answers that request with a book that alternates between short, how-to chapters and longer theoretical chapters that relate meditative experience to the guidance of Buddhist and Christian practitioners and to the findings of science, which Wallace believes present important confirmation that their advice is grounded in reality as such.

I'm not quite finished with the book yet, but it is obvious that, while giving helpful instruction for engaging meditative practice, Wallace does not really remain "in the balance" between science, Buddhism, and Christianity. In the end, he cannot overcome his passion as a Buddhist apologist, and the further one journeys with him the less one hears the testimony of Christian mystics or modern physicists and the more one is encouraged to nod the head as distinctly Buddhist doctrines are allegedly verified.

Perhaps Mind in the Balance may still ultimately prove to be a fruitful resource despite the narrowing of its vision as it progresses. For now, meanwhile, the greatest benefit I have drawn from Wallace has been chasing one of his citations and purchasing another book on contemplative practice. So my reading has turned to Martin Laird's Into the Silent Land: A Guide to the Christian Practice of Contemplation. Laird offers a refreshing, beautifully written, and practical manual for entering the journey of silent prayer. Of course, he's also an easier read given that I've bought the religious perspective he's selling. I grant what such luminaries as Thomas Merton have discovered, that there are notable parallels in Buddhist and Christian meditative practice, and I see as much in comparing descriptions in Mind in the Balance and Into the Silent Land. Whatever one makes of these congruences, the fact remains that what I seek in the silence, and what I expect to encounter, is the Triune God and not the Buddha-mind. Therefore I will stick with Laird as my chief guide for these first steps along the path.

I have said that I am stepping away from the intense reading period, but so far I have compared notes between two books. Now I must get to the point which is, quite naturally, to draw out of the reading that I may begin the practicing. Over the past two weeks I have begun tentatively engaging in contemplative prayer. Following Laird's structure, my experiment with stillness (hesychia for you Orthodox cats) has been grounded in the repetition of a prayer phrase - the Jesus Prayer, to be exact. I have started with brief periods of stillness, just ten to fifteen minutes at most. I have not done this every night, or even most nights. But at least I have started.

In truth this period is a bit of a warm-up for Lent. I have decided that my Lenten discipline will be a daily practice of contemplative prayer, and I am aiming for at least twenty-five minutes of meditative silence each session. Ideally, each night will also include a preface of liturgical and intercessory prayer. However it takes shape, I want to avoid the typical behavior that turns Lent into a kind of isolated spiritual marathon. Properly understood, the preparatory journey to Easter is an effort toward transformation and greater sanctification and not a vigorous excursion from the routine that marks the majority of the year. In other words, Lent has been a grace-empowered discipline if one comes out of it with a redefinition of "the routine." I can't say for sure that I'll get there, but I know at least that I want to cooperate with the Holy Spirit in this.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner...